Monday, January 27, 2014

According to the world... (I'm a terrible mom)

According to the world, I am my worst nightmare.
The thing is, the world doesn't see what is going on, and the end result and the judgement, is unbelievable.
According to the world, I am a terrible mom.

__ __ __

According to the lady at Dollar Tree, I'm raising a brat.

She said this because when she entered the store my son was starting to get fussy. She had absolutely zero idea that he and I had been to five different stores, over the course of three hours, with little to no break and a snack he refused to eat still in the car. After much begging and trying to be a good mommy, I finally gave in and offered him a board book in exchange for him behaving himself.

She saw this and felt the need to inform me that I am raising a brat while we waited in line to check out.

What she didn't see, or hear, for that matter, was my son telling me "thank you", very excitedly as I handed it to him. She didn't see him tell everyone in the store how happy he was to have a new book. She didn't hear him thank the lady at the check-out when she handed the book back to him after scanning it. She didn't see any of the manners, or the sweet moment when we were leaving, and I told him I was frustrated with him being grumpy, how he threw his arms around my neck and told me "sorry, mommy."

Instead, she saw me raising a brat.
___ ___ ___

According to a friend on facebook, I'm a bad parent.

This was said because she witnessed a mom hand over her phone to her kids and let them watch videos on it during a meal at a restaurant. The kids were perfectly quiet and didn't disturb a soul, and even ate all their food when it came. I defended that action, because honestly, at one point or another, you do it to survive wherever you are.

We've done it at Wal-Mart, when the lines are long, I have coupons and ad-matches, and when the scanners are broken. Mommy and daddy, exhausted, tired, and trying not to lose it, hand over their phone and set it up so he can watch songs from Frozen. I've done it when I've had to take him with me to the doctors office. The doctor is an hour behind, Little dude is past naptime, and you're nerves are shot as you finally give in an set it up to Baby Einstein.

But instead of appreciating the silence, instead of being thankful the child in front of you isn't having a complete meltdown, instead of understanding; we're bad parents.

They don't even see the fact that it's on an educational video.
___ ___ ___

According to family, I'm too hard on my son.

Little Dude is an incredible boy. He loves to help and has the biggest heart. He WANTS to help, and if I don't give him ways to help, he "helps" in his own ways that are disastrous. They see me forcing my toddler to work, when in reality, he wants to be busy and productive.

They see me giving him rags with dish soap on them, and see him taking to the walls and to the kitchen, wiping everything down for me. They see him helping me make dinner, see him trying to help me vacuum, see him helping me get the mail, see him trying to help me sweep the floors. They see a toddler being turned into Cinderella.

What they don't see is the toddler at my feet in the kitchen, hugging my legs and screaming "Mommy! I help!" and this act continuing until I put his apron on and set up his stool. What they don't see is the toddler shoving me out of the way whenever the vacuum turns on so he can be the one to do it. What they don't see is the kid who actually will clean up his toys when asked, and who will sing and dance while we work.

Instead, they see me being "too hard" on my son.
___ ___ ___

According to the mommy blogger community, I don't do enough for my toddler. I'm holding him back.

I don't post every activity on Instagram. I don't post everything we do on the blog. I don't "Dear Diary" our lives like some mommy bloggers tend to do. That in turn is being seen as laziness as a mother, and apparently I do not do enough to keep his brain going and growing.

They don't see the daily coloring time we do. They don't see all the books we read. They don't see the trips to the park, or the dancing we do. They don't see how I set up a workout routine at home that my son and I can both do, to encourage hand-eye coordination. They don't see the snuggles, and the educational videos about animals. They don't see the hours spent on the floor playing with trucks, or the Pinterest board full of ideas that we are always working on.

I'm not like them. I don't tell everyone everything.

So instead, they see a complacent mom who doesn't do anything for her kid.
___ ___ ___

It's amazing, how hard we all fight for us to quit being so nasty to each other, yet this is just a 36 hour period in my life. There are so many other moments that I could describe in my day that makes me want to lose my mind at other people, other women, and other mommies, that are so out of line.

  • Like the bitch who laid on her horn while my son and I were crossing the street. In a crosswalk. And we had the right of way. She yelled at me because I was letting him walk and it "took too damn long." 
  • Or the rude lady at the store who got upset because my son was mimicking mommy and was looking through the clothing rack. No clothing was damaged, he was barely touching it, yet she was nasty with us.
  • Like the jerks who openly comment on us allowing our son to sing when we are out in public. It's twinkle, twinkle Little Star, you d-bag, get over it. 
  • Or the numerous amount of people who give us dirty looks when my son happily smiles at them and says "Hey! How are you?" He's being polite, yet they can not help encourage the good behaviors or manners. 
According to the world, I can do everything right, and it is still absolutely wrong. I can pay all the attention in the world to my son, I can work hard to make sure he knows how to act in public, I can be the best mom I can possibly be, and I will still be a terrible mom. 

I guess I'll have to deal with that title, it could certainly be worse. 


  1. If your a terrible mom....then so am I. The phone is my saving grace when I need Hudson to be quiet for a moment. Little kids don't have patience, and neither do adults!! I love when people give me dirty looks because hudson is on my phone at the store, yet they are standing there, bored as well and on their phones. If you cant handle standing in line completely quiet with out getting on your phone don't expect my toddler to either.

    anyways....your doing a great job momma! we all have moments that people give us "that look". Ive gotten in a hundred times while hudson is screaming in the middle of the store and I'm standing there letting him work through his emotions until he can talk to me calmly. It still bothers me...but I'm trying to get better at just ignoring it. Just know your a great mom, and your little guy is so lucky to have you

  2. While I'm not a mom, I agree that people tend to judge mom's (and people in general) merely from the brief moments they see in public. And it's totally not an accurate representation of the whole picture. You never know the whole story. And unless the parent is abusing the child, their parenting style is none of your concern. So I say just ignore the rude and ignorant people and keep on doing what you're doing! :D Your son is adorable and looks so very happy. :)

  3. Well according to me you are a wonderful mother. It is awful when mommies turn on each other. We should help each other always. I too have been judged recently. My response was we all have to do what we have to do when we have to do it. No mother does everything right all the time. It is okay to disagree with someones parenting style but it is not okay to voice it unless asked. Even then you can state your point without being judgmental. People never know the real components of what really happens in a family.

  4. You are an amazing mommy!!!! No question about it. Continue doing what your doing (:

  5. I've Only been a mama for 5 weeks and already been told to my face I'm a bad mom. People really need to quit the mom bashing. I think you are a wonderful mother. You are a great example to me

  6. Wow! I can't believe today so many people fight for equality and loving everyone and yet the world is still so judgmental! You sound like a pretty great mom to me! I completely agree the phone is a saving grace! And the fact that people who see you for 30 seconds min. feel like they have the right to tell you what kind of kid they are raising just astounds me … Your fantastic for doing all you can do!

  7. I honestly believe that there are a few kinds of people who are ignorant enough to say stupid things like that: people who don't have kids, or people who's kids are old enough that they don't remember how much of a battle having a toddler is. It irks me to the core when someone thinks they have any ounce of right to criticize any parent. You keep on being the amazing mother that you ARE. Honestly, this makes me want to go off on my own rant in a post and I may do just that. Real mothers UNITE! :)

  8. You should not worry about what other people think.... you are doing your best!

  9. I think you are doing an absolute extremely good mom. I just had a melt down on FB the other night about how I felt like a failure to my son because of how behind he was during a speech evaluation. But like other people and moms, they all assured me that I was only doing my best to help with his delay and that I am at least doing something about it. Like you, I too have had my handful of critics about how we are raising our son--we can only do our best.

  10. Hello, awesome Mama! I've got 5 babes! I feel you! Excellent post!

  11. You are not a bad Mother! I'm glad that you don't feel like you are from how others judge you. To be honest, though, I may have been one of those judgy people before I became a parent. Now that I have a child - that judgy-ness flew out the window. Mama's have to do what Mama's have to do.