On November 26th, I will be having surgery. While the surgery itself wasn't a shock to me, the emotions and feelings associated with it are. For most people, with most surgeries, the anxieties are pretty standard; fear of the anesthesia, fear of pain, fear of death even. For me, my fear is different than others. I know the anesthesiologist. I know the surgeon. I know the resident even. What I don't know is how I will emotionally feel afterwards, because I am having a bilateral breast reduction, in which they are removing more than half of my breast on each side.
When I first scheduled the appointment to see the plastic surgeon, I figured this would be easy. Go in, chop chop, here's some pain meds, get out. Even the doctors made it seem that way. After awhile though, it started to get emotional, and stressful. Because of the stress and the emotions, I shut down on blogging for a bit, at least until I could get the mentality of it around me and get focused again.
So many people have so many questions about it. Some I've answered, some not. I want to answer a few of them now and in this blog post so that others can understand.
Q: If you feel like you need a reduction, what size are you, anyways?
A: I'm a 38 GG (or H, depending on where you buy). Not kidding, not lying. And the only store that USED to carry my size no longer does. If I want a bra, I'll have to go order a $200 one online. This isn't really a huge difference from before the baby, when I got married I was a 38 DDD.
Q: Haven't you tried to lose weight? That's where I lose weight first.
A: Yes, I have, and I lost 30 lbs this year. During that time I had a personal trainer who was doing bi-weekly measurements and we found that I was losing everywhere BUT my chest. The only benefit to working out more was gaining back and shoulder strength to hold these boulders up.
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| Notice the awkward hand of my son. He's trapped! |
Q: What about breastfeeding with another baby?
A: After a long discussion with my primary care physician, my pediatrician, and my plastic surgeon, they all agreed that my inability to breastfeed my first could be completely because of breast size. They quoted that 85% of women can breastfeed after this surgery because they don't mess with the milk ducts or mammary glands. With me, they quoted me a 90% chance of breastfeeding afterwards.
Q: What size do you think you'll be afterwards?
A: Originally I asked for a "natural" looking size, leaving that up to the doctor. She quoted me a "full c" or a "small d", which I would be very happy with.
Q: Have you tried any other methods besides surgery?
A: Oh, yes. I see a chiropractor every three months. I work with a physical therapist who has been trying to help me get the correct posture part down (with no luck). I've done workouts for my chest to destroy fat and build muscle (and they only get bigger) and I've tried different bras to help. At this point, I will need my back fused by 30, or this surgery, at 25.
Q: Besides size, what other problems do you have because of it?
A: By the end of my work-day I have to lie down for a few moments because of my back.
Its impossible to wear some styles of clothing, and essentially if I want to wear trendy clothing, I have to go to the maternity section where the clothes will fit my waist but be comfortable enough for my bust.
My shoulders have become lose and dislocate. I had one repaired, but the other one needs it now, thanks to the weight from my bra straps.
I can never go without wearing a bra. Showers are cut short, tub time includes a sports bra, and at the gym I'm usually wearing two bras, just so I can get a half-assed workout in. I even sleep in a bra, which I've heard is a massive no-no, but not an option for me.
I am getting masses on my chest, sternum, etc. Each time, I have to go in, undergo a breast cancer eval, and have the mass excised and sent to pathology for testing. I've had three breast cancer screenings this year because of them.
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Even a professional photographer couldn't photoshop
these babies out! |
All my life I knew I'd eventually have a reduction. I always joked that I wanted to go in, have a hysterectomy, tummy tuck, and reduction all at once, once I was done having kiddos. Bubba always knew that that was a part of my life plan, but after three breast cancer scares this year, three mini surgeries to remove lumps and the struggles in my daily life, we decided we can't wait any longer. This needs to be done to improve the quality of our lives.
The emotional part to me is that I wonder if I will feel like less of a woman. I've always had an hourglass shape. I've always had curves and knew if I wanted to feel sexy, I could because of my bust. Now I question what I will feel like, or look like. I'm excited to have the procedure done, and I trust the doctor, but on one hand, she will have a male resident with her, thats GREAT! A guys opinion before they even suture me closed on if they look good or not...but at the same time...that makes me uneasy.
Now that I've bored you with all the nitty grittys and questions so far, I'm open to answering any other questions you may have, so feel free to leave them in the comments section below.
Thank you for your understanding while I've been on this hiatus. I needed some time to think, to get my plan in order, to get the surgery scheduled, and to get back on track before the "big day". You guys are truly the best.
